HEART&SOUL
Do you have any real-life, heart-warming stories to share with readers?
E-mail them tostar2.heart@thestar.com.my.
We'd love to hear from you.
Lessons From My Father
A son treasures all that he has learnt
By Kannan Pasamanickam
Heart&Soul/Star2, Sunday 16
October 2016
MY
father passed away at the age of 94 just past midnight on May
2 this year. Dad was bom in a small town in Tamil Nadu, India. He was a self-
made man who had to fend for himself from an early age.
An only
child who lost his mother before his teens, he was brought to pre-independence
Malaya by his father, as a child of eight in 1928. He later returned to India
to study and returned to Malaysia in his teens to work.
He
initially worked as a junior clerk in a money lending firm and this created a
lasting impression on him, explaining the meticulous way he kept accounts
throughout his life and his thrift when spending money. He kept his daily
spending money in a small envelope and every cent spent during the day was
recorded on the envelope.
At the
time of his death, he was one of the most senior retired politicians in the
country, having served in the state legistative assembly and in the senate.
As
children, my sister and I witnessed the many parties at our small,
unpretentious home where our late mum cooked and dad hosted the early politicians
and leaders of the various communities who made up our country.
Dad’s
cordial links with the political masters of the day earned benefits for his
community.
During
his wake recently, many people came to tell us of his many contributions and help
it made us feel very proud.
Dad
worked very hard throughout his life. He trained to become an accountant. As
many of his generation did, he believed in investing in property for a rainy
day - he put aside what little he could for this. I was repeatedly told the
story of my mum volunteering her wedding jewellery to be pawned so that he
could make the down payment for the first piece of property that he bought in
1959. He ensured that my sister and I got a good education.
Grandpa
was a simple clerk with little means. Dad knew that the only way to raise his
siblings from poverty was through education.
Though
he was an only child with no financial legacy to support him, he took it upon
himself to help educate the children of his stepbrothers and stepsisters who
were left behind in the little town in India.
Thanks
to Dad’s efforts, this next generation is successful academically and have
several professionals. Their successes made him proud and gave him a deep
sense of satisfaction later in life. He also wanted to uplift his community
through education, hence his participation in several school boards and
societies. We were taught to share God’s gifts and the fruits of your labour
with the less fortunate, and that was a sacred duty..
Dad was
rich in the knowledge of the traditions and history of the Indian community in
particular and Malaysia in general. He was a gifted storyteller and orator -
his oratorical skills were in great demand at political meetings and weddings.
People
came up to tell me how, up to the last days of his life, he had regaled them
with stories from our cultural fables. He loved to advise and encourage the
younger generation -1 was very touched when a Malay MP told me at Dad’s wake
that he considered him a father, because he was one of the earliest and oldest
politicians to encourage and advise him when he was nominated to stand for
elections.
A group
of Indian children came to sing hymns at his funeral; they told me later that
Dad had been supportive of their orphanage for several years. A Chinese
banker with an international firm based in Singapore sent me a message of support
- he told me he was “blessed to have known Dad and that his family would miss
Dad’s wise words and humour”. This gentleman’s family and mine have been
friends for three generations.
Dad had
many good friends from every race in our country, evidenced by the
mourners at his funeral. At 94, he was one of the oldest citizens of Muar, the
town he loved so much.
He
lived frugally, repeatedly advising us of the virtues of thrift and the evils
of materialism.
He kept
reminding us not to forget our very simple beginnings; this story of one of
his favourite aunts in India was repeatedly told.
When he
was a child, Dad’s family was so poor that even having fish for their meals was
a luxury. This aunt, who lived in the countryside, would catch fish in the padi
field, then cook it and walk 10km (there was insufficient money for bus fare)
to feed the little mouths in Grandpa’s home.
The
times that Dad returned home to visit his relatives in India, the first thing
that he did before entering the ancestral village was to change into a simple
dhoti and cotton jippa - this was to ensure that his relatives and friends who
had remained behind in the village, would not suffer the pain of jealousy from
seeing the external signs of the success he had achieved in a foreign land. I
was often told that we should not for any reason be the cause of misery in
another’s life - this is one of the lessons learnt from my father that I
treasure.
Nurture
your brain but not your stomach, was an Indian adage that he loved to quote.
He
loved to read. When insomnia troubled him in the last years of his life, it was
not unusual to see him seated and reading his favourite Tamil novels late into
the night.
God
blessed my father with a long life with the physical ability to continue to do
all that he liked, to the very end.
He was
a disciplined man. It was probably around 1978, when I was a young doctor, that
Dad first complained of feeling chest pains while climbing up stairs - he
asked me what he should do. He was then a two-pack-a-day smoker. I told him
that he had blocked arteries and that he had to stop smoking. The next morning,
he quit and kept off cigarettes for the rest of his life.
Two
weeks before he died, I invited him to my house in Petaling Jaya for our
annual ancestral prayers - it was one of the rare times that he stayed
overnight in my house. We had a good family dinner and the following day after
eating his favourite lunch prepared by my wife, Dad left for home. That was the
last I was to see my father alive.
Though
increasingly frail, Dad went to his office until the last week of his life -
retirement was not an option he considered. He continued with his daily walking
exercises up till the morning of the last day of his life. We were told that he
spent the last two weeks of his life busy conducting meetings and giving
advice to younger people.
On the
night of his death, Dad chatted with friends after dinner and then went to bed.
His life ended soon after.
My sister and I will remember his lessons and continue his legacy.
Read more…
AUGUST 16, 2015By saving this dog and helping it find a home, this
readers life was enriched.
MAY 18, 2015Celebrating her graduation, a young woman thanks
the parents who allowed her to fly far from the nest and grow.
APRIL 26, 2015Sri Delima has managed to capture the essence of
being Malaysian and united a country through her animated writing.
APRIL 26, 2015Sometimes, that’s all it takes for two people to
bond.
JANUARY 31, 2015When you have someone to help share the load, it’s
easier to face the road ahead.
DECEMBER 14, 2014In life, there will be some storms which we have to
weather alone. Each of us has troubles to face, no matter who we are.
DECEMBER 13, 2014An anonymous card with a message of hope brought
back the meaning of Christmas.
OCTOBER 18, 2014She loved her family the only way she knew best –
through her cooking.
OCTOBER 11, 2014'I could have told you, Vincent: The world was
never meant for one as beautiful as you.' -- excerpt from 'Vincent' by Don
McLean.
OCTOBER 11, 2014Sometimes, all you need to do is listen and be
there for someone who is suffering from cancer.
SEPTEMBER 20, 2014The writer's father showed her that no matter what
the circumstance, true recognition comes from finding peace within.
SEPTEMBER 6, 2014A furry friend enriched this reader's life and
converted her into an animal lover.
AUGUST 16, 2014A new father gives an eyewitness account of the
miracle of the birth of his daughter.
AUGUST 16, 2014My mother can be exasperating, but who would I have
lively arguments with if I didn't have her?
AUGUST 16, 2014Heart & Soul: Mastering a new language helps to
open your eyes to a different world.
AUGUST 9, 2014The College General feast day celebrates the memory
of those who died for their faith.
JULY 26, 2014Beyond the hustle and bustle of the city, Taipei’s
citizens show amazing hospitality.
JULY 26, 2014In good times and in bad, sometimes it’s good to
count our blessings.
JULY 19, 2014Tamil movie star Joseph Vijay is an inspiration to
a young teenage girl, for his acting talent and his off-screen work.
JULY 19, 2014A daughter remembers her dad as a compassionate man
given to action instead of commentaries. One of the phrases he often told her
and her sister? “Help old lady cross road.”
JULY 12, 2014Look not to the ego, but hold on to calmness,
patience and inner peace for lasting happiness.
JULY 5, 2014Death is bound to happen for each life on earth,
but when it’s your loved one, the pain becomes unbearable and acceptance seems
impossible.
JULY 5, 2014There are ways and means of finding solutions, if
we are up for the challenge.
JUNE 21, 2014A reunion can be stressful or so much fun,
depending on what you make of it.
JUNE 7, 2014A student may have lost his life, but the way he
lived serves as an inspiration to others.
No comments:
Post a Comment